Are you a parent of a teenager?
Parents and teachers often educate teenagers about ‘SEX EDUCATION’, what we forget is to have the ‘REAL TALK’. Confused? Which ‘talk’? The talk about ‘DATING’! Being a parent, you would always want your child to do everything correctly. Isn’t it? So why not TEACH THEM HOW TO DATE RIGHT vs WRONG.
Teen Dating Violence has become a chronic unexplained issue over the past years.
Children in middle school years throughout adolescence, peak in young adulthood, and are associated with multiple poor physical and mental health consequences.
Many parents want to help their children in one way or the other but fail to, because most of the time they are unaware of their situation.
In that case, what can a parent do to help their kids out?
1. Look out for behavioral symptoms
This may include patterns of coercive behavior-
•Emotional
-Depressed
-Anxious
●Aggression-
-Threatening
-Swearing
-Insulting
●Physical violence-
-Hitting
-Slapping
-Punching
●Virtual violence- using social media and cell phone texting for expressing violent things.
•Isolation
•Suicidal ideation
•Adverse childhood experiences
•Substance use
●Adverse reproductive health outcomes-
-Sexually transmitted infections
-Unintended pregnancies
2. Listen to understand, not with the intent to react
●These are very sensitive situations, in which the parent should calmly listen to their children, let them talk their heart out to you.
●Talk to them openly. Teach them about ‘DATING’.
●Right at this moment, go tell your adolescent that, it is NOT okay if one's partner loses control physically to the point that he/she hits say, a wall or goes blind when angry; doesn’t have any filter to stop/control their behavior.
Personal anecdote: I remember my mom making my elder sister and I, sit down and properly guiding us in middle and high school years about:
•What is a fair relationship?
•How does it work?
•Making sure that if anything unfair ever happens: how to have the courage to walk out of that toxic relationship.
Growing up, I am really grateful to her for that modern parent-child conversation; because in later years, my sister got victimized with dating violence, she received threats from her ex-boyfriend days post her breakup. Adding to that, she had the courage to report the perpetrator to the cops. She could do all that not only because she's a strong lady, also because she had her mother to support her.
3. Ask assessment questions
Does your partner-
-Hurt you?
-Insult you?
-Talk down to you?
-Threaten you with harm?
-Scream at you?
-Curse you?
If you get multiple yes, ask further-
•Is he/she controlling the:
-People you hangout with?
-Clothes you wear?
-Who you text?
•Has the physical violence increased lately?
•Is he/she violently and constantly jealous of you?
•Has he/she ever used or threatened you with a weapon?
•Do you believe he/she is capable of killing you?
4. Support system
I know the mind of a teen can be an intimidating place, but you will constantly have to make them feel that they are not alone in this.
Talk to them, you can always start with a framing or normalizing statement, so that they don't feel singled out or defensive about being asked so many personal questions.
Sometimes, all it takes is an ear to lend and a shoulder not to cry on, but to hug them and let them know you will support their decision no matter what.
5. Stabilization of symptoms
During this recovery phase, adolescents might feel overwhelmed and go through some triggers. You will want to help them, dealing with these triggers.
'YOGA' has proved to be a good outcome to control these triggers. It helps to relax the mind and body, it improves the health with concentrated deep breathing and by performing yogic postures that please body muscles.
6. Intervention and prevention
SAFE DATES is a prevention strategy for middle and high school students initiated in a few countries, to stop or prevent Dating Violence- victimization and perpetration; including the psychological, physical, and sexual abuse that may occur between teens involved in a dating relationship.
7. Parental reminder
●For adolescents, it is often reciprocal. The abusers, perpetrating the violence have been victims as well; either because of prior history of trauma or difficulties in communication.
If we start kicking them into isolation, they will go down the path of elevated levels of violence.
●But that doesn't mean setting them free to roam, especially if they have aggressively damaged the victimized person (either mentally, physically, emotionally, or socially) to such an extent that there's no coming back.
●Being a parent of a teenager: If you tell them that they can’t date someone, it is likely to make them resentful.
At that point:
Tell them what you expect- in terms of responsibilities, grades, chores, however you define your expectations.
After all, as a parent deflecting violence for your child is a birth right.
Don’t worry, if you still didn’t talk to them. Go now! Have the conversation. Remind them, they can always lean on your shoulder. Assure them, you will always be their best friend.
It would be really helpful, if you SPREAD/SHARE this post to all of your FRIENDS with TEENAGE kids.
Do you have any other strategies or tips that helped you and your teen to recover/prevent this phase? Do let me know in the comments section and help others out.
Next week, I’ll be posting on a critical topic for children out there feeling disheartened.
So,
FOLLOW: @thetraumacine for more!
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#bethechange
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